She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
