I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize