I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
