I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
