Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
