She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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