am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize