I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
