I hate all girls vehemently.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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