I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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