and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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