OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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