I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
