Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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