they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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