Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
