I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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