I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
