I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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