So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
