We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize