Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
