she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your cock deserves a montage
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
