yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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