Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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