"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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