You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
