fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wear drunk well.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
