New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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