We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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