I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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