take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
