is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
