i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
