i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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