Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
