Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
