LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What drink are we having for lunch?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
