I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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