I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I just put wine in my tea
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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