I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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