omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
