Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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