i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
