Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize