Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
