Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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