drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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