I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
