I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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