I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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