I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
