If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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