Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize