CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
