My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
