Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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