I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
