The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
