I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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