I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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