I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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