Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
