So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
