I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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