shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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