I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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