capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's always time for handjobs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
