Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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