Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
