booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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