so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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