im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
