He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
