he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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