I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
