So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The Olympian is in my bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
