can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
