"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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