apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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