listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need water and some morals
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