Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
