too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
