How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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